News Bulletin

We take you from your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this update:

I am content in the now, with the people I love. I feel amazing.

Thank you.

And now back to Days of Our Lives...

Stars

I recently have been thinking about… well… me. Selfish, I know. But I have been asking myself who I really am, why I’m here. Deep, huh? (Or maybe that's just college.)

Well I’m in my first ever psychology sort of class, Human Development. According to a certain human development theorist, I’m searching for my personal identity because I have been confronted with uncertainty, a change in my environment, and instability in those around me.

Ok, so here’s my interpretation of that mess.

I wished away this summer (read “So I go back tomorrow…”) and just longed to come back “home” to my friends in Greenville. In doing so, I basically put my life on hold for three months. I found my identity with those here. Well people change, myself included. The dynamic of my group of friends has changed, and I’m not sure I was quite ready for that. I unknowingly put myself in a situation of potential hurt and disappointment by relying on what was.

At times I long for stability; for one iota of something (or someone) to call my own. I am exhausted from change. Exhausted from those I love leaving, from the ebb and flow of friendship. I want to simply be comfortable and feel safe and warm.


Then there is another part of me.


It wants change and adventure. New loves. New places. Danger and instability.

For this side of me, I thank God. My Jesus is not in the business of stability. He asks me to always be ready to go. To be ready to have my heart broken by those who can’t see. To be put under fire and come out slightly singed, but more heat resistant than ever (cliché I know).

Of course there are times (many times) where this scares me so much. My refuge, and the place I find God during these times is in the outdoors. My sense of wonder sometimes overwhelms me when I walk outside. Despite nature’s constant change, God has made one thing consistent, its beauty. Whether it be the sunlight shining through a leaf or the clouds at dusk, I find peace in God’s creation.


I ran back to my room this morning before lunch to drop off some things. I opened iTunes and the acoustic version of a certain Switchfoot song about stars came on. I broke down pretty much right there by myself.

God’s got my back. He’ll do everything He can to let me know it too. Whether it be in creation, a song, or a song about His creation.

I can survive change, survive instability, and better yet, thrive on it. I will grow when pushed, and if God has to push me off the metaphorical cliff…believe me, He will.

I’m ready God.

How do I please everyone?! Honestly!

This has been a constant dilemma of mine, but right now it has been brought to the forefront by a simple email from a professor of mine. I don't think she reads this blog, so we're safe to just cut and paste...


"I would like to request permission to miss the Masterclass next Friday. I have a lab from 2-5 on Fridays, and there is one scheduled for next week. Sorry! Let me know if I should do something to make it up.
Thanks,
Tiffany"

and the reply...

"Tiffany,
William Preucil is one of the most outstanding and respected concertmasters in the world! Please ask your professor if you could leave early that day and attend the Masterclass 4-5. You would have 2 hrs in the lab. Explain you are a music major and we have one of the finest violinist in the world on our campus. This is a unique opportunity. With such a heavy academic load this year you will have conflicts and have to make choices and music events should be at the top."

Are you kidding me?!! This is my academic future! I'm sorry but I've seen a million violinists at this point. Does she want me to fail biology and lose my scholarships? Honestly! I specifically waited to find a science with a lab (something I need to graduate) that wasn't on Tuesday or Thursday, just so I could be at orchestra every rehearsal. I'm doing my best!


Ok, I've vented.


But seriously, how do I please everyone? It seems with the outrageous schedule I have, someone's going to be disappointed in me. That feeling cuts me too deep.

There's a chance I made a very prestigious quartet this year. If I accept, I get scholarship money, a chance to improve my chamber music skills with private coaching, and a very nice addition to my resume. So you say, "Goodness Tiffany! Take it!" The downside, four extra hours of rehearsals a week. The rehearsal cuts into a weekly BCM event that I very much want to be at. Often people don't understand the actual amount of rehearsals I have and HAVE to be at. I don't want the people of LTeam to be disappointed in me. I want to be there. I honestly don't know what to do at this point.

I have a limited amount of free time as well. I want to see all my friends, but I can't see every one of them every time I have half an hour or so. Who I choose to spend my time with seems to disappoint someone every time. It doesn't matter what the choice is.

Some might say, "Tiffany, do what makes you happy." I would tell them, "Well, just being here makes me happy." I often choose the thing that will bring me the greatest reward. That's my human nature. I hate the selfishness in me. But sometimes I just want to put others before myself. I want to be able to make everyone happy. I don't want to disappoint people.

I realize I can't please everyone, but how in the world to I find a happy medium?

Help!




*Disclaimer* I can't believe I have been this open on the internet! Weird!!!!

Ode to a Lack of Patience

Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself.